On Borrowed Time by Adam Croft

Author:Adam Croft [Croft, Adam]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Circlehouse

37

By the time Caroline got home, she felt numb. Feelings and visions from the past came to her often, but recently they’d got far more vivid. She wondered if the physical distance she’d created by moving to Rutland had forced her mind to focus on it more. It was almost as if creating an emotional and physical distance was a snub to what’d happened. Whitewashing it from the tapestry of life. And her mind wouldn’t let her do that.

‘Good day?’ Mark asked as she walked into the house, the familiar smell of his chicken curry wafting through the hallway.

‘Yeah. Yeah, not bad,’ she replied, keen to avoid having to think about what had really happened.

‘I’ve made a jalfrezi. Not quite as good as Dining Street, but I think I’m getting closer.’

‘Thank you. It smells lovely.’ And it did. Although the chemotherapy had ruined a lot of smells and tastes for her, she was pleased to discover Mark’s chicken curry still had the same mouthwatering appeal. In that moment, as her stomach gave a growl, she realised how long it’d been since she’d last eaten.

They all sat round the table, the first time they’d had a proper family meal in days, and Caroline tried to ignore the clock on the wall that told her the boys were up past their bedtime. She knew Mark had kept them up so they could eat together, and that thought meant more to her than an arbitrary time for sleep. In any case, it was Saturday tomorrow, so they wouldn’t have to be up early for school. She wished she could have a lie-in herself, but she’d be in the office at the crack of dawn, pushing on with Operation Utopia.

Caroline noticed Archie looking at her, and smiled. He was looking at her hair again — or lack thereof. The hair loss had accelerated over the past couple of days, but she felt awkward wearing a hat or head covering inside the house.

‘It’ll grow back, sweetheart,’ she said, skewering a piece of chicken with her fork.

‘It looks weird,’ Archie said.

‘You can’t say that,’ his older brother, Josh replied with a scowl. Caroline had noticed him becoming much more protective over her recently. Part of her wondered whether it was his way of acknowledging the effort she and Mark had made to relocate the family and make them happier.

‘It’s fine, honestly,’ she said, giving them both a smile. ‘Trust me, it looks weird to me too. And it feels weird. But I’d far rather have my hair fall out than the alternative. At least this way I’ll get better.’

‘Will you, though?’ Archie asked.

Caroline blinked a couple of times, then forced another smile. ‘Course. Why wouldn’t I?’ She felt a rising lump in her throat and excused herself, heading upstairs.

She closed the bathroom door behind her and sat on the closed toilet, trying to stifle her sobs so her family wouldn’t hear. She was scared, angry, regretful, frustrated. She just wanted everything to be over.

A minute or two later, there was a gentle knock at the door, and Mark stepped inside.

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